I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
