Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
