Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
