Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
