did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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