Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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