I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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