Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
