My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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