just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
