yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
