The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
