Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
