my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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