is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
