i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
