this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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