I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
