Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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