god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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