hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't deserve a penis
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
