once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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