after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
