Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
