my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think I just sharted jello shots
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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