we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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