im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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