i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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