'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
