I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
