Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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