and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
