I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
