If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
