Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Everyone says I win the strip club
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
