I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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