the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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