from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
