I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
