Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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