just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
