i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
