it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
