96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
