I can tuck mytits in my pants
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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