what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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