You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
