This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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