it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
