Apparently you make a good broom.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
