I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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