I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
