I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
