I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i drank out of a bidet.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
