We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have post one night stand depression
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
