yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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