He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
