Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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