i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
