Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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