He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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