And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
