Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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