My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize