I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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