I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
