so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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