I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
