I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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