You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
