We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
