I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
