what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
