i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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